When my doctor tells me that I was “knocking on death’s door without knowing it” or that I am “lucky to be alive” at this moment, it reminds me how blessed I am to be able to wake up with a smile every morning. It reminds me to be thankful and grateful for my second chance at life. It also reminds me that I never want to be in that place again, where I was pretty much rendered lifeless for the better part of a year. By all accounts, I should be long forgotten by now. To this day, I could remember doctors and nurses asking my love if she wanted a priest to come to read me my last rites during one of my numerous trips to the emergency room.
As I slowly began to awaken to my life again by the grace of god and the miracles of modern medicine, I started getting back to where I was physically before my illness had taken over my body. I was no longer tired, I was breathing on my own, I started eating a lot more, and my fever and symptoms slowly disappeared. My body felt back to form, but mentally, something had changed in me. I decided I wanted to make changes in my life, to be healthier and happier. To do that, I had to change my thoughts and change my mind, because I didn’t want to go back to where I was before and during my illness. I love my sweetheart, that will never change, but mostly everything else had to change or else I would live in a state of unhappiness within myself for the rest of my existence. I didn’t want my second chance at life to be a waste.
When I look back at the time when my doctor first told me about my disease, about how I would be on lifelong medication, I considered it payback for what I did in my life prior. Today, I consider my medical condition a blessing. It literally has saved my life, both physically and especially mentally. My medical condition has awakened the spiritual being in me, has inspired me to do so much, has given me the courage to challenge myself, and to not allow my illness to take control of me. In a twist of irony, I have my lifelong medical condition to thank for helping me become the person I am today. In a twist of fate, I came back to life.
At this very moment, I am blessed to be alive and I am grateful and thankful for being able to be a healthier and happier me.